My husband and I have quite different personalities. He likes to go out with people and chat with them, but, as a foreign bride, I am more introverted, shy and tend to keep to myself. Recently he met a woman from work. Over the last few weeks, he talked to me much less, coming back home from work quite late and keeping his cell phone right next to him. He texted a lot, maybe chatting with someone online. When I asked him who he was talking to and what they were talking about, he just mumbled and told me “just something about work”. Last night I caught a glimpse of his phone while he was working on it. He was texting his secretary, a young girl in twenty. I knew the name.
I think my husband is cheating, but I have no proof. I never get access to his phone. What should I do? How to confront a cheater?
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Maybe you just sense there is something different when your partner talks or behaves but you have no clear clues. Here are some signs of infidelity, which may help you make judgment. The signs can be quite unobvious. For example, your spouse may start to pay much more attention to clothes and accessories, or care more about his or her appearance. They prefer to spend more time away from home or while staying at home they are more likely be glued on their mobiles or TVs. When you try to talk, they just pretend to be busy with something or say something else to get you distracted. When you get paranoid, things cheaters may say to hide affairs like “She is just someone from work and we barely talk to each other.” “You are just being paranoid to think I am cheating on you and I am sick of it.” “Nothing. We are just talking about work and he just made a joke. That’s all.” “That’s not like what you think. She said that just for fun. We joke about each other a lot. Stop being childish.”
Get it? If your spouse behaves or talks like that a lot, you probably should take it seriously.
If you suspect your spouse is cheating, the best approach is a direct and honest confrontation. And before that, you’d better get full knowledge about how cheaters react and things cheaters say when confronted. Some of them may feel quite guilty and want to work things out with you. They would say “I feel awful about what I’ve done to you and this family. Now I beg you for another chance.” While some others who also feel bad about themselves want to get divorced. They might put it in this way “I am so sorry and I feel too shameful to face you. You deserve a better man/woman.” But some of them will shift all blame on you and make it seem like that they are the victims themselves. These cheaters could say “You were cold. You were distant. You were mean to me. You deserved this.”
After making full preparation for cheater’s reactions, you still need some more specific help on how to confront a cheater.
It is one of the most vital steps to gather proof or evidence of your spouse’s cheating behavior. You need to take the evidence to support your claims when you are confronting them. Because if you confront them without any proof or evidence, they may deny their cheating behavior and blame you for your distrustfulness. And from then on they might keep their secrets more efficiently and it will become much harder for you to get evidence ever again. As for how to collect evidence, you may need to check their phones. Secretly go through their call logs, text messages, address lists or even WhatsApp messages. There will be definitely some clues there. However some cheaters are quite smart and they delete all the information on phones related to their cheating behaviors. Even so you can use data recovery software to recover the deleted calls or text messages. And we recommend iOS Data Recovery and Android Data Recovery which is quite convenient and efficient.
It is quite hard for you to keep calm when you confront the cheater who you used to love and trust. During confrontation you and your partner may cry and yell, throw things at each other or even run out of the house. But being emotional and hurting your partner physically or spiritually is definitely not your intention. Besides, this might give them an excuse to cook up a story about your unreasonable and tough character.
If your partner has been cheating, he/she knows you may find out sooner or later. At first, you just tell cheaters that you know they are cheating on you but without any details. Let them do the talking. When they start to confess their affairs, listen to them closely before you react. Because now you can tell if their stories match with what you withhold. By doing so you can determine if they are still lying to you. If you find they are still not telling the truth, lay out all the evidences you have collected to destroy their lame lies. Once they are aware that beating around the bush is useless, it is possible that they reveal everything, even giving you more information than you gathered.
Last but not least, never get your children involved, because you may ruin their childhood and leave them trauma for life. Parents mean everything for children and it is never a good choice to confront your partner in front of your kids. Send them to your friends or parents to keep the children out of the whole mess. This is the best.
Divorce Hurts Kids , Besides, don’t speak ill about your cheating partner to your children. Avoid words like “Your mother doesn’t love us anymore and she has been sleeping with my best friend” or “Your father is the worst and he hurts me a lot”. Maybe you can tell them when they are getting older.
In the end, it is never an easy thing to confront a cheater. But you got to do this. The key is to always keep calm and believe in yourself. What does not kill you makes you stronger.